There are many possible reasons why guys don't want to commit. Not every one of them is obvious. And yet, guys are not a closed book.
Uncertainty around their behavior can totally bum you out, especially when you think you've finally met your soulmate. Everything is perfect; you're “clicking,” sex is mind-blowing, and suddenly it turns out he's not interested in a serious relationship!
But he likes you a lot and would like to keep seeing you.
In other words, he wants to keep fooling around and having sex without all the other “stuff.”
If you can't spot the guy is not serious at the beginning, it's a problem. The whole situation easily becomes a one-way track where you pleases him because endorphins already hijacked your mind, and he essentially gets everything he needs without any commitment.
To save your time clearing the mist around his behavior, we've outlined these signs that make it certain he doesn't want a serious relationship with you, and you're the one pushing the chariot forward. Take a few minutes to make sure you're not wasting your time with another commitment-faker.
Signs He Doesn't Want A Relationship With You:
1. He Doesn't Try To Get To Know You More
This sign comes first and not accidentally. If a guy shows zero interest in getting to know you more — it's a dead clue he's not planning anything except a casual fling. A guy who has fallen for a girl strives to learn her quirks along with every tiny detail. It means the world to him.
Memorize one thing: a guy’s memory is pretty much like a sieve: what comes in, comes out. If he remembers what you say in detail or can retell the cute stories from your childhood, he definitely cares about you.
A guy may like spending time with you, having sex, or just chatting, but if he's not interested in your personality, that is usually a huge sign he doesn't want to be your boyfriend.
2. You'Re Not a Number One Priority
When a guy is serious about you, he treats you like a queen (in a good way). It doesn't mean he places the crown on your head, but he listens to your opinion, spares place in his life for you, cancels his plans to spend more time with you, etc.
If he flakes on you, doesn't show up for a date, doesn't bother to inform he's late, then he's certainly not very concerned about your feelings.
3. You'Re The One Doing All The Job
You may not even notice “the vehicle” is moving on because YOU fill it up all the time.
It's inevitable though: one day you'll stop for a minute: hey, it seems like I'm the one who initiates all contacts!
Before that moment comes, you can start evaluating your relationship by answering these questions:
- Has he ever tried to figure out what you think about your relationships?
- Has he hinted about your intentions?
- Is he the one who is planning your dates? Or has it become your “burden”?
- Has he ever done anything worthwhile to win you over, at last?
If the answer is “no” to ALL these questions, maybe you’re in a relationship where he takes, takes, takes, and you give, give & give.
4. He's Not Ready To Show You Off
If a guy is serious, there is no grey area around your status: he's already calling you his girlfriend and taking you out for dinner with his friends.
If a guy sticks to “do we really need to put a label on it” — it doesn't mean he's a charmingly smart philosopher who questions fundamental categories. No, he's a friends-with-benefits admirer, who's ducking from commitment.
5. He's Not Doing Thoughtful Things
If he's serious about you, he'll be first in line when your favorite donuts are baked in the morning to bring them to your apartment before leaving for a work…
He'll be riding the city around in search of noodle soup when you're sick.
He'll buy your favorite apples in the supermarket, not just the food he likes.
All these details matter when it comes to identifying a guy's intentions. If he treats you like his girlfriend, he takes responsibility; he needs you to be healthy, beautiful, happy around him.
The absence of all mentioned tells he doesn't care. He doesn't seem enthusiastic about contributing to your happiness.
6. He's Not Offering You One
Yeah.
An accurate nonetheless. If a guy wants to be in a relationship, he will be! If he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, he is not sure about his feelings. No mystery here.
He may like you, but not enough to make you the only one.
Remember, guys are mostly straightforward: if they want it, they go for it.
7. He's Not Keen On Meeting Your Friends/Family
Meeting each other's families is a significant milestone that reaffirms you both take things seriously. Being introduced to their friend's group is also a sign they're proud of your relationship and ready to “take you in.”
If he never brings you around his family without a concrete reason (like they have a complicated history), and you've been dating for more than two years — that's a reasonable dealbreaker! The guy doesn't want you to be a part of his life; instead, he prefers to treat you as something separate, which means he thinks of your relationship as a casual fling.
9. You Can Say He's a Closed Book
Despite men being considered fewer talkers than women, if they fall in love and take it seriously, they open up about their lives and past experiences.
If he's keeping as closed off as at the very start of your relationship, the guy is clearly unable to give you his heart.
10. He Doesn't Seem Excited About Long-Term Plans With You
When a guy is not serious about relationships, he won't commit to anything far off in the future.
So, instead of being excited about breathtaking & bonding activities with you down the road, like rock climbing, going to the music festival together, visiting new places, or doing yoga, — he'll be hesitant and unable to give you a definite answer.
11. He Just Got Out Of a Serious Relationship
If a man says he's just got out of a relationship, it means he's looking for a crying shoulder, not a girlfriend. You should realize the likelihood he will be ready for a serious relationship now is very slim.
Moreover, if his marriage/relationship has just ended, he may still hold a torch for his ex. And that means he'll subconsciously judge you to her standard, especially if he believed she was THE ONE. Whatever the situation, the sooner you communicate about it, the better.
12. You Don't Celebrate Holidays Together
Failing to invite you for holidays also means he's not keen on incorporate you into his life. Does he get indignant when you invite him over for a Christmas party?
This is much more than just Сhristmas. Being not OK with you celebrating holidays next to him means he would like to leave you on the periphery of his life. He doesn't care about your desires, aspirations, dreams. He has some plans for you, and it's not about something serious or romantic.
13. He Refuses To Send Out Holiday Cards As a Couple
Remember how Ross Geller panicked at the thought of him and Mona sending out holiday cards together because it would be a huge step forward?
Such cute gests as sending out cards to your friends together is an official confirmation you're a couple. It's a romantic & wonderful tradition given you both feel great about it.
In 2020 instead of printed cards, there may be another way to declare your relationship to the world: joint accounts, Facebook self-presentation, etc.
14. He's Quick To Untag Himself On Facebook
There are several reasons why a guy doesn't want photos of you showing up on his profile: he may be afraid online flirting with other women will stop, he doesn't want to rub it in the face of his ex, etc.
This is a big red flag that tells he's not interested in having a relationship with you, but would rather spare some other girl's feelings. He doesn't want people to know you're a couple — do you really need any other clues?
15. He's Not Ready To Move In
Breaking up with someone is much more difficult if you live with the person. Basically, the majority of men agree that moving in together is 1 step below marriage. Thus, before getting to this point, a guy must be sure he's comfortable with the idea of marrying a girl.
That's why when it comes to moving in together, a lot of men drag their foot. If your boyfriend agrees and doesn't postpone this step, you're in gold.
16. He Shows Up Only When He Needs Something
Some men have the selfish trait to find those who need to be valued and pull out some benefits for themselves.
If your crush uses you only when he needs something, and then ignores you, he isn't truly interested in having a relationship with you.
In this case, you have to stop it. He uses you only because you're OK with being a doormat.
17. You'Re Not Exclusive
If you're both monogamic, there has to be a part where you stop seeing other people. If he is still dating someone else, he is just keeping you around for sex or because you give him that particular feeling he needs. But there are no plans to get serious with you.
Sometimes men choose to lie when they have another date because they also need you around for a while. Fortunately, technologies can help to bust unfaithful partners in a few clicks.
The thing is, are you OK with the not-exclusive-yet framework? If not really, then you may be bummed if he were to date someone else.
You can keep seeing him as much as you want, as long as he is faithful.
So, What Does He Want From You Then?
Men do use some women for sex. That's just nasty & ugly truth.
When their sexual needs are fulfilled (which is not that difficult nowadays), men also need to feel loved.
But they know some things are going to change once they cross the line and step into the world where you're permitted to call him “your man.”
There are more responsibilities, commitments, less sex & fun. They know women can change once they're officially in relationships.
So, why not keep things where they are, have fun, and “see what happens“?
FAQ + Answers
– Is there another woman? What signs to watch out for?
Macho behavior, gym, new diets, guarding his phone, and many more signs will tell you he has someone else. The best way to find out is to use a special discreet app to understand whether he's lying or not. It can be installed on any mobile device secretly. It will provide you with information regarding his location, the content of his messages, phone calls history, contact book, and social media activity.
– Why do guys act distant when they like you?
Usually, it's a part of the fear of commitment and low confidence level. When he doesn't know you enough to make sure he's ready to step up, or not sure you're compatible, he may decide to postpone things. Some men act like kids even in their thirties. They may feel uncomfortable revealing their feelings because they feel awkward/ have friends who will tease them for being in love, they want to keep you interested, and so.on.
– Why would a guy text you if he's not interested?
Because he still wants a casual fling from you, involving sex, alcohol, having fun together, chatting, and whatever you give him that he needs and why he texts you.
Perhaps, he got used to your attention and feel empty without it.
– How do you know if he's catching feelings for you?
As a woman, you can immediately say he's in love with you by looking into his eyes. He can act differently, being HotnCold, but his eyes always tell the truth.
– What does it mean when a guy doesn't want to kiss you?
Kisses are all about feelings. If he doesn't kiss you, then you're not in his future. Kissing is about affection and attraction, while sex is something that can happen without any feelings.
– How to tell he's losing interest?
Very simple. Is he making less contact? Is he try as hard as before? Any relationship requires time & energy, and if he feels too much pressure, no wonder he might lose interest in the whole idea of being with you.
– Why does he keep me around if he doesn't want a relationship?
Because he has probably already been in relationships and learned some stuff. Right now he's in a place where he doesn't need anything serious. He's OK because you're there when he needs sex, you're ready to listen to his revelations after the hard day, you're at the initial part of the relationship, which is always fun & exciting. You can drink, laugh, have sex, and be free. Basically, all his needs are fulfilled.
Believe me friends, if you see this, you won’t need any more proof: Her eyes look into yours and stay there for a while longer than they should – around 3 seconds or so (it doesn’t matter if she’s looked at your face or not).