Finding out if he is a cheater is hard. But still possible. This article helps you with some tricks to spot the lie and find out the truth. Besides, it includes recommendations on how to avoid conflicts, break-up, and even home violence if there is a real problem of cheating.
The fact of cheating outrages you. You don't want to speak, ask questions, try to find out why he did it. You don't want to see him ever again and it is hardly possible to control yourself. But you have to calm down and talk to your partner. That's the only solution on how to get him to admit he cheated:
The main goal of this article is to help you avoid the worst scenario – home violence. The latter is much worse than betrayal.
I Think He's Cheating, or How to Find out if My Partner is Loyal?
There are a lot of cases when she starts mentally killing her partner for she’s noticed a text message on his phone from another woman. With no direct evidence of cheating! Slander can cause mental health problems and constant stress leads to a mental breakdown. That's why it’s better to make sure if he cheated or not before making a scene. Having facts on hand instead of an assumption, you can make him admit he cheated.
Get proof with a phone app
Remember that adultery is not the only thing a partner could hide from you. Drugs, gambling, financial problems, etc. Each of these problems leads to him leaving home all of a sudden and then coming back with no clear answer where he was. Your goal is to find out what is happening and help your partner to cope with conditions as, perhaps, he needs your support and understanding rather than conflicts and break up.
What is the Best Solution if I Suspected Cheating?
Probably, the best way is to consult a psychologist first. The fact of cheating is great pressure on you, especially on your self-esteem. Only a qualified specialist can help you to cure your emotional trauma and find out how to overcome this issue. And the most useful – a professional psychologist know how to confront a cheater. Remember, we want you to avoid home violence and broken relationships.
Think about the Future First!
Ok! He admits that he’s cheated. What to do next? Living with knowing this harsh truth seems to be difficult and almost unbearable. Some couples cannot handle and overcome it. They start to argue daily that leads directly to divorce. Moreover, a person who admitted cheating and was forgiven can continue behaving this way. That's why you have to consider what to do next and ask professionals for help before confronting a cheating boyfriend.
Besides, a fact of cheating can lead to toxic behavior, insults, abuse, discrimination, etc. This is what you have to beware as well.
How to Get Him to Admit He Cheated?
Honest conversation is the best way. Yet, there are a few options for those of you who are looking for alternatives. Consider the pros and cons of the following means.
There are tons of articles on body language. It is a common way to get to know if your partner is hiding something. But in reality body language can tell nothing. The way he looks and moves depends not only on the fact he’s lying or telling the truth but also on behavior habits, illness, personality type, etc.
At some point, you might think that a polygraph is the best way to make him tell the truth. But a polygraph is nothing but a scam. This machine is just a cardiograph with a better name to make money from gullible people.
Spying is a better way. Specifically spying on his phone. Yet, remember it’s intruding into his personal space. If someday you will feel guilty for this and want to share with him, it could lead to a break-up. For spying, you can use applications available online. They will charge you a small fee allowing access to his social media, messengers, calls, location, and browser history.
It’s a great means, but… Remember, you want him to consider you not only as a partner but also as a friend. He most likely would tell the truth to someone who is not against him.
How to Get if He is Hiding Something?
This might sound complicated to find out, but you can always tell if your close partner does not want you to get to know something. As it was written before, it is not about body language but stupid alibi and inconsistent lies.
- Ask about the same things from time to time.
A liar can forget a thing he lied about. Because it simply did not happen and he can’t remember the way he told you something for he was worrying then and inventing the story on the spot. At some point, he will tell quite a different story.
- Test liar’s alibi.
Tell him back his alibi in a slightly wrong way and ask if you are right. Or you can ask him about it in detail. Besides, you can catch him on inconsistency if you try this trick after a while.
- Be friendly.
Create a safe zone for him. For example, let him know that betrayal is bad but you will likely cope with this if already happened. This makes him feel better and safer. This is the best way to confront a cheating boyfriend.
- Ask complex questions.
Yes or No questions are a safe zone for liars. He can easily remember all the lies and repeat it almost forever. But if you ask some questions that need detailed answers – it can cause a failure.
- Look for complex sentences and wording.
Telling the truth is much easier than lying. He has to create a whole credible story while lying which requires all his attention and effort. At this point, he would likely start to sound almost like a politician with long complicated sentences and wording. He would also add a lot of unnecessary details to create an illusion that he is talking about something that happened in reality.
How to Get Him to Admit He Cheated without a Conflict?
It was already mentioned that the main problem can arise right after he’s admitted he is a cheater. That's why you have to know how to confront a cheater. General rules are:
- Avoid any conflict, insults, toxic behavior.
- Don't be cold and rude.
- Don't push him.
- Get in his space.
- Show the will to understand and cooperate.
1) Avoid Conflicts, Insults, and Toxic Behavior
You cannot be sure if he is telling the truth if he considers you as an opponent. If you are pressuring him, remembering all his fails, and constantly throwing insults at him, he will just stop the conversation in the worst scenario possible. Follow the next recommendations to avoid it.
2) Don't Be Cold and Rude
Don’t demonstrate the signs of hostility. You might think that it is possible to get the truth showing him your worst traits. But in reality, you would just make him feel guilty and lie even more. At some point, he will find someone to replace you – always angry, dissatisfied, with no energy and sparkle in the eyes. Simply because he'll feel no comfort being with you anymore – you associate with sadness and pain.
3) Don't Push Him
Some women start to argue instead of a conversation. This is a terrible mistake. Remember that your accusation can be wrong, and he might have something else to hide from you (illness, problems at work, with friends, or relatives). Under such pressure, a person is more likely to start avoiding any contacts.
4) Get in His Space
To find out is he is a cheater, it’s better to become as close as possible. Stay closer as you speak to him. Lean a little bit forward. Make him look from above at you. Make a tactile contact. The friendly and warm tone is also good. And always show your empathy. Like you are ready to understand and forget about everything next to him.
5) Show the Will to Understand and Cooperate
Instead of accusation, try to understand what is wrong with your relationship. Ask what he feels, lacks, or what bothers, annoys him. Point out that he looks a little bit off and you worry about him. In combination with staying within his space, this can help to find out the truth and make him admit cheating.
What Can Go Wrong?
There are people you cannot catch in a lie with no direct evidence. They are called sociopaths. This kind of person can lie without feeling any guilt. They simply believe in what they are telling and you cannot catch a sociopath on inconsistency. If it’s happened to you, it would be better to consult a professional psychologist and break up.
The other bad situation is home violence. If you notice that your partner tends to be raging while arguing, it’s better not to quarrel with him. In such a situation, it will be almost impossible to get the truth on your own. You have to ask for the help of specialists. If you see him becoming angry, stop the conversation.
On the other hand, a woman who thinks that her bf or husband is a cheater can also behave violently. This can happen. According to recent research, from 30% to 62% of home violence victims are men. Analyze your behavior. Know what you are going to do if he admits the fact of cheating. If you know you tend to be aggressive while arguing there is a big chance to lose your control after getting to know that your significant other is not an angel (but a human with their weaknesses).
But your goal is to stay calm, think it over, and make a decision. Don't make things worse. This is not what you are up to. Besides, home violence is forbidden by law for both men and women.
Another serious issue can be a man who constantly betrays. This type of personality is almost impossible to deal with. He definitely will continue cheating even after admitting it. From him, you could hear phrases like: “Ok. I’ve cheated. What are you gonna do next?” This means a person doesn't understand the feelings of his partner at all – or he doesn’t care.
And one little detail. There is a type of men who are not cheaters at all. They won't cheat even being drunk or under pressure. They tend to love one woman and it is really hard for them to overcome any kind of accusation of cheating. Be sure to understand your partner’s personality and feelings as well.
It is not easy to make your partner admit that he is cheating. Moreover, if you need it, that means you have no evidence and this can be just an assumption. That's why you have to be friendly and as close to him as possible. Not only does this help him to open up, but also makes him less likely to cheat.