Trust is vital. People need to depend on each other in order to reach success, be it in business, friendship, or in a romantic relationship. Let’s be honest: the fact that you cheated on your significant other willruin the trust between you. However, it's not impossible to earn it again and get your ex-girlfriend back. You just have to work hard for it.
Do you really want to get her back no matter what? Keep reading to learn about proven ways to make it happen.
Why Have You Cheated on Her?
There's a saying: “Once a cheater – always a cheater.” The reality, however, is more complex.
Every conscious decision has a motive behind it. Making a mistake doesn't mean that you can't get better if you put effort into it. And you should get better if you truly want to make your ex girlfriend forgive you.
According to Theresa E. DiDonato (social psychologist and associate professor at Loyola University Maryland), there are several key reasons for infidelity.
- Fading feelings. Sometimes, love just ends. According to recent research, over 77% of people cite a lack of love as their reason for cheating.
- Not enough attention. The second most common factor for infidelity. It's equally popular among men and women to cheat due to the feeling of neglect.
- Anger. This reason ties up with the previous one. Many people use cheating as a means of getting revenge on their significant other.
- Self-esteem and sexual desire. A significant portion of people has affairs just because they want to boost their self-esteem. Sometimes, they want passion or variety.
It's OK if you recognize some of these motives. Understanding why you did it is a vital step if you want to get better. It's also an essential step if you're going to get your love back.
6 Tips to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back
You are not the first person who got dumped. However, not everyone breaks up because of infidelity. As you would expect, it makes the chances of reunion much slimmer.
It's true that cheating ruins any trust in a relationship. But the situation is reversible. Almost 16% of couples who experience cheating stood together through their difficulties, according to the surveys.
And we are one of the couples that withstood through these problems, even though it required many therapy sessions and psychology consultations.
Want to make her believe that you deserve another chance? Then make use of these bits of advice on how to get your ex girlfriend back.
1: Take full responsibility for your actions
What you've done is heartbreaking even if you confessed about it yourself. That doesn't make it any less emotionally exhausting for your significant other.
That's why you shouldn't be defensive during subsequent arguments. You should let your girlfriend let off some steam.
When Chris was caught cheating, we had many very heated arguments. And he did the right thing by letting me take all my frustrations out of the system.
You must understand that the breakup is imminent. The sooner you let it happen, the bigger the chances that you'll get her back later.
Get it through to her that you want to make things right. However, you shouldn't beg her to give you another chance. It's better to show her that you can change, even though it'll take more time.
Treat it as an intermission. And get ready to distance yourself from her for the time being.
2: Use the “No Contact Rule”
You’ve probably heard about this rule before. How does it work?
We understand that many people get emotional after a tough breakup. A guy can lose control and try to get an ex girlfriend back by bombarding her with apologizes.
Do you think your ex girlfriend wants you to beg for forgiveness right after she caught you cheating? If she still has feelings for you, then the answer is: “Yes.” But maybe she doesn’t realize that yet.
Your ex needs to see that you can do everything in your power to make amends. But not only that. She needs to make sure that you won't cheat on her again. For that to happen, your ex girlfriend needs to believe that you’ve changed. And changes like that don’t happen overnight. That's why you both need to take a long break.
This is the basis of the “No Contact Rule.”
What is it? Think of it as the interval during which you can’t contact your ex. It means:
- No meetings.
- No calls.
- No “likes” on Instagram or Facebook.
- No long messages telling her how you want get back with her.
And we can’t emphasize this enough. No Contact Rule gives you both much needed “space” to stay alone with your thoughts. It’s also one of the defining factors in over 90% of successful reunions.
But we know what you’re thinking. You worry that she’ll hook up with someone else and eventually move on if you don't remind about yourself.
Believe us – that’s not how it works. You must give your ex a few weeks and avoid temptations to contact her. If you’ve done everything right – she’ll start missing you.
3: Focus on your personal life
As many experts will tell you, your significant other shouldn't be a replacement for your life. And they are absolutely right. Do you feel that your life is not complete without her? Please, don’t say that out loud. Such behavior reeks of desperation. And it won't get you even one step closer to getting your ex girlfriend back.
And why did you cheat on her if she’s so precious to you?
You should use your time alone to answer that question. Also, you need to invest in your personal growth because it will give you peace of mind.
Things you can do:
- Career. Put some effort into your job while you're apart. To get her back, she’ll need to know that you don’t prioritize her over everything else.
- Hitting the gym. Physical activity is an excellent way to keep negative thoughts out of your head.
- Spending time with friends. Believe it or not, everyone has gone through splits before. It’s OK to reach for support from your friends in hard times.
- Find new hobbies. Were there any hobbies that you abandoned during your relationship? If so, now is an excellent time to analyze why. Try going at it again or find new ones.
And here are the things you shouldn’t do during break up:
- Drowning sorrow in alcohol. Destructive behavior won't help you become a better person. And it'll give your ex no reasons to believe you've changed for the better.
- Remaining friends with a woman whom you cheated with. Under no circumstances can you remain in a relationship with a woman with whom you cheated on your ex. Of course, if you want to get your ex back.
- Flirting with other girls. Previous rule applies to other girls as well. Focus on improving yourself, not on chasing new skirts.
- Looking at your ex-girlfriend's Facebook updates and Instagram photos. It will only make it worse for you during the “No Contact” phase.
4: It’s OK to text her back
Since you’re guilty here, you shouldn’t be too strict.
Respond in case she texts you. Be polite but don’t talk too much. Also, don’t spill your guts at the first opportunity.
Make sure that she understands you're not chasing her. Don't apologize too much. Just let her know that you understand how wrong you were.
Also, don't hurry to meet in person, even if she invites you. Be tactical. Come up with some legitimate reasons why you can't meet at the moment.
5: Have a serious talk in person
Some time has passed. You've been texting for the last few weeks, and she tends to write to you first. Now it’s time to meet up with her. However, don’t go overboard with apologies.
Based on our experience with Chris, it's essential to hear each other out on this stage. Be concise. Make sure that she believes that you understand how wrong you were. Let her know that you've cut all connections with the other girl. And, most importantly, tell her that you want to be better for her. Then, listen carefully to what she has to tell you.
6: Reconnect with her
Let her take the initiative at first. For now, treat your relationship like you’ve never dated before. Don’t talk directly about getting together again. That sort of talk is pointless because you’re already getting her back.
Instead, meet at new locations. Take strolls through the parks. Flirt with her, but don’t rush. Avoid talking about the past. It’s better to keep all conversations positive and light-hearted.
Eventually, you'll she'll start trusting you again, and you'll get together.
Final Thoughts
Is it difficult to get your ex girlfriend back after betrayal? That's an understatement. Regaining someone’s trust is never easy. Therefore, you should be prepared that it will take a lot of time and hard work from your part. Just remember to be sincere and committed. She will notice if you changed for real. Only then she'll acknowledge that your relationship deserves a second chance.
Don’t do that. You will regret that decision. Once you cheat, you can’t build a happy relationship.
When you get your ex-girlfriend back after cheating, it may not be quite the same as before. The things they did; the way they treated you; the things they did to you. And that’s assuming that she cheated on you, not you cheated on her. Then it makes even more sense.